“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different” Oprah Winfrey.
I’d heard this a while ago and thought it was fantastic. When I thought, had I forgiven My Love?? No! Why would I want to hope that I hadn’t been cheated on?
Tonight, midway through my moving meditation in the park, I wanted to yell out to my teacher “I am just so happy!!!” for no reason. I was joyful for the experience I was having, I felt free. I glided through the moves with excitement bubbling inside me, feeling flexible and focused on my postures.
We moved into ‘Triple Headed Serpent’ and she said something about forgiveness that triggered my memory of the Oprah Quote.
Suddenly, mid posture, I thought, I FORGIVE! I stopped the move and stood still, my hands in prayer, focusing, feeling the emotion come to the surface.
I didn’t wish it had been any different otherwise I wouldn’t have been here in the park having a beautiful time with these beautiful souls I had met in my class.
I never would have met my spiritual teacher, and I never would have been on this amazing journey. I never would have been the better version of myself that I am now, with all that I know about Love.
I never would have learnt that I am not my ego. I am not me personality, I am my soul. My soul has a voice that will tell me what my path is, what my purpose is, where my passion lies.
I never would have deepened my friendships by sharing my soul journey.
I never would have spent two years with my best friend, creating memories and growing together.
I never would have made up with my sister and learnt how to love her and support her, without being jealous of her success.
I never would have finally figured out how to connect with my Dad and why his uniqueness is necessary for my journey.
I never would have started my website, and finally visualised by book I’m going to start writing on my newly planned trip to Italy!
I never would have found my five year old me at the bottom of a jungle in my meditation in Bali. I admired her, reassured her, loved her and all her quirks which make my own Mum uncomfortable. I am in awe of her.
I never would have become who I am today and pushed My Love to be a better man. I never would have created this opportunity for us to start again, as more mature people, assured in our love for each other, despite the distance, the uncertainty, and without promise we will end up together.
I never would have been strong enough to negotiate marriage or no marriage, depending on what I feel is right for me.
I never would have been ready to have kids with you.
I never would have known I could love you still, even though I could not forgive you,
When I give up the hope that the past could have been any different.